The diagnosis

Waiting for it to go away is bad advice.

Let me offer some good advice to those of you finding this page by doing a search for "swollen uvula."

1. Is your throat "red and angry" (the words used by my doctor)?
2. Do you have a fever of 101º or higher?
3. Do you have swollen glands?

If you answered yes to these three questions, you likely have an infection, like me. The only question now is whether it's viral or bacterial. Whatever it is, it's attacked me in blitzkrieg-like fashion - the minor discomfort I felt around midnight last night turned into agony within just 5 hours. He's put me on an antibiotic for now, in case it's bacterial, but also took a swab of the area (it was bloody! yuck!) for further lab analysis.

I should give maximum kudos to Mark for helping me out on this one. My throat too sore and my uvula too enlarged to speak with any sense of comfort, Mark was the Voice of Darron (LOTR reference) on the phone with the advice nurse, even though he was pressed for time to get to his teaching job. During the phone conversation, he felt my forehead and declared me "hot." That Mark - always trying to set me up with the ladies. THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY LIFE, MARK!

Miraculously, they scheduled an appointment for me in the emergency room just 45 minutes later and I managed not to pass out from pain or exhaustion as I waited in stop and go traffic for 30 minutes to cross the San Mateo Bridge.

And so the long wait begins. He told me not to expect instant relief - so I bought Chloraseptic and Tylenol to hold me over until the turn of the tide (LOTR reference #2). Unfortunately, the doctor's antibiotic of choice is notorious for creating an upset stomach, so I bought a cool large chocolate shake at McDonald's to wash it down.

Lesson learned: Waiting to get better is a stupid guy thing to do. Don't be a stupid guy.