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Of Idioms, Crabs, and Grapes - Pt. 1

Every morning, as part of our routine, I introduce the class to the "Idiom of the Day." My white board is almost exactly five landscape-oriented sheets of paper high and so I have the idiom of the day along with the previous four days' idioms posted at all times. Amazingly, my 12, 13, and 14 year old students have bought into the same morning routine that I had my 5th graders do at Garfield.

"Good morning ladies and gentleman."

"Good morning, Mr. Evans."

"Today's Idiom of the Day is 'Put your John Hancock right here.'" (some snickers from a few of the less mature boys - but the rest of the class gets the idea because we've been studying the Revolutionary War and we just read a book about John Hancock the day before)

"THAT'S THE IDIOM OF THE DAY!" (the class shouts enthusiastically - for the first few weeks of the school year, only D. would say it, but now everyone does. I'm truly amazed that they do it.)

"As we know John Hancock is most famous for being the first person to sign the Declaration of Independence and he signed it larger than anyone else, right in the middle, so that King George III would be sure to see it. And that's where this idiom comes from. It means to put your signature on something. So when you give your reading log to your parents to sign tonight, instead of saying, 'Hey mom, sign this!' you could say--"

"PUT YOUR JOHN HANCOCK RIGHT HERE! THAT'S THE IDIOM OF THE DAY!"

"And when you go to buy a car and you have to sign the papers, the car dealer might say to you--"

"PUT YOUR JOHN HANCOCK RIGHT HERE! THAT'S THE IDIOM OF THE DAY!"

But then the usual flow and energy of the morning was stopped dead when L., who will never participate in class if you make him raise his hand but is always more than happy to shout out something at the least opportune times sans raised hand, says

"Nobody ever says that."

"What do you mean? People use that all the time."

"I've never heard anybody say that. Nobody ever uses idioms except in this class. That's how white people talk."

And so an hour long class discussion began and within 5 minutes the two years of indoctrination my students have received from our school about the importance of college, the necessity of going to college, our mantra of "college for certain," was revealed for what it still really is in the minds and hearts of a far too sizable chunk of my students: nothing more than a facade riddled with insecurities and doubts.

Excerpts:

"No one in my family has ever gone to college so it makes me think that I'm not going to go."

"Speaking academic English is acting white. We're not white."

"What kind of car did your family have when you were our age, Mr. Evans?"
"A Maxima."
"SEEEEEE?!?! You had a nice car. It's harder for us."

"Even if we get into college, how are we gonna pay for it?"

"I don't have papers. I can't go to college." (this is a myth, by the way)


See part 2 for my counterpunch the next day.

CPS Calls

As a teacher, I am a "mandated reporter," meaning that I am required to report child abuse, proven or suspected to Child Protective Services.

During my seven years at Garfield, I had to call twice. The first was because my student's mom hit her on the head with a shoe. The result? CPS visited the family and the mom was told that she could hit her children as long as it wasn't with foreign objects or a closed fist and she couldn't leave a mark. The second time was because a student's uncle had molested her. The result? Before the cops could get him, he ran off to Mexico. But it also opened up communication about the incident with her mom and my student was able to come to terms with the experience and be empowered by her choice to do something about it by telling me.

In just a year and a quarter of teaching in Huntington Park, I have called CPS four times.

Today was the fourth. And the conversation went like this:

CPS Lady: Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services. How may I help you?

Me: I need to file a report.

CPS Lady: Who are you?

Me: Darron Evans. D-A-R-R-O-N E-V-A-N-S.

CPS Lady: And what are you?

Me: I'm a teacher.

[I can already tell from her voice that this is not your typical incredibly helpful CPS person. Usually they are very calm and understanding and they know that you're calling because of something horrible so they're really, REALLY nice]

CPS Lady: And what do you want to report?

Me: *** told me today that her father drove her to school on Friday morning and he was drunk. I actually called about this same thing last year. Her father has a drinking problem and he sometimes drives the family home from parties when he has been drinking.

CPS Lady: And what do you want US to do about it?

Me: Excuse me? [I'm so surprised by the response that I stall for time]

CPS Lady: What do YOU want US to do about it?

Me: Well, I'm worried about her because *** or her family may get hurt in a car accident. When I called at the end of last year, a social worker was sent to the home and left a business card in the door, but ***'s family didn't get in touch with her because they were scared and nothing happened. He's continuing to drink and drive with the family in the car.

CPS Lady: [sounding like I've offended her agency] SIR, what did you expect us to do? We can't do anything unless we go over there with a CHP.

Me: You need a CHP?

CPS Lady: SIR, we're not police officers. [the tone of her voice says that she thinks I'm an idiot] Unless we go over there and we catch the father drunk, and there's ZERO PERCENT CHANCE OF THAT, there is nothing we can do.

Me: Well, I thought that you could send someone over there to visit the family. Maybe if someone official comes over and talks to him, he'll take the problem seriously.

CPS Lady: Unless a CHP pulls him over, gives him a breathalyzer, and sees that he's drunk, there is NOTHING WE CAN DO.

Me: What would you suggest then? If you can't do anything, do you think we, as a school, should call her parents in and talk to them?

CPS Lady: [with a tone that says "This call is so ridiculous, I'm going to go home and blog about it" in her voice] Sir, what are YOU going to do? Are you a police officer?

Me: No.

CPS Lady: Then what can you do? You can't arrest him.

Me: I don't want to arrest him. I want to help him.

CPS Lady: But you're not a police officer.

Me: I don't need to be a police officer to help him.

CPS Lady: [accusatorily] Why is her mama letting those kids get in the car with her drunk father?

Me: [Ummmm...] I don't know.

CPS Lady: She shouldn't be letting those kids in the car.

Me: I agree. But mom doesn't say anything. Nobody in her family says anything. *** is the only one saying anything and that's why I called you.

CPS Lady: [pause]

Me: Do you have the record of when I called last year?

CPS Lady : *If* you called last year, then we WOULD have a record of it in the computer, but everything that happened is confidential and I can't tell you anything.

Me: You can't tell me what happened?

CPS Lady: Sir, I will send a social worker to visit the family within the next five days.

And so it ended.

Mark's Colon Now Internationally Famous

News of Mark's colon experience has gone international!

Academic Discourse

This is rapidly becoming my second most watched video on YouTube. In just a week, it already has nearly 100 hits! Watch out Mr. and Mr. Fingers!

The purpose was to begin modeling for students what academic discourse looks like and sounds like. There was a viewing guide where the students had to write down our sentence starters and take note of our body language (how we look at each other, we speak one at a time, we nod our heads, we respond to each other, we challenge each other, etc.).

To you, it is probably boring as all hell. But for our students, it made us appear ultra cool because we, their teachers, are on YouTube.

This was filmed a week ago - I was sick at the time (thus the Barry White-ness of my voice) and our camerawoman, though untethered by cords or a tripod, opted to stay mostly in one place thus making the side of my head famous.

The Future is Bright

True, a lot of my students bombed their states and capitals geography test, but none more magnificently than this one.

Click on the image to see the details.